Over the Top
by Ms Sticha
Summary: Downtime tends to get people in trouble. Just ask Joker and Ashley. Named after that awful Stallone movie. For NonShepardShipWeek


"Nervous?" The question was an honest one, but with taunting undertones made all the more obvious by the delivery. Ashley leaned forward, chin in hand, and grinned as she waited for a response.

"Not at all. I'm confident in my abilities." Joker held her gaze, his smirk mirroring hers, but the cockiness slipped a fraction as they stared across the short distance. "We don't have to do this now if you're getting cold feet. I mean, we did rush this a bit. Don't get me wrong, we both know this'll happen sooner or later…"

"Quit stalling, because I'm not going anywhere. The longer you talk the greater chance Shepard will get back and catch us. Nobody wants that."

That was something they could definitely agree on.

The room fell silent with anticipation as Ashley's leaned forward and took his hand in hers. There was no delaying the inevitable. "I hope you don't expect me to go easy on you," she spoke in warm, low tones.

"I won't break. At least, that part of me won't." Joker winked in the most over-the-top way possible, knowing full well how ridiculous it was. He was not disappointed in the shocked laughter it garnered. And there they sat staring at one another, hand in hand, just waiting.

"Would you two get on with it?" Wrex pounded on the table to emphasize his boredom. The rest of the crowd gathered within the mess laughed. Nobody was sure how it started, but within seconds everyone chanted "Do it. Do it. Do it," and pounded in rhythm on any flat surface available. The noise was almost deafening, but it definitely got the adrenaline going.

"I'm sorry, but I still don't fully understand my role in this ritual," Liara apologized from the front of the table.

"Nothing to understand. You grasp our hands here, release them when you tell us to go, then watch and wait. It ends when his hand hits the table."

"Don't be so sure of that, Chief." Joker made a big show of turning his hat around and then nodded. He was ready.

Liara's delicate hands enveloped theirs for just a moment. Next thing they both knew, they were putting their money where their mouths were. Nothing happened no matter how much they strained their muscles. Their clasped hands barely waivered at all. It was an equal match. The crowd grew impatient almost immediately, since to any casual observer it looked like they were simply continuing to hold hands. Those closest to the action knew better, though. Wrex leaned in, an appreciative twinkle in his red eye. This was a real test of might.

A thin sheen of sweat covered Joker's brow as the battle of wills dragged on. That's what it was at this point. Unfortunately for him, he knew exactly who was going to win at this rate, and it wasn't him. It was time to play dirty for his ego's sake.

"You know, you could've just asked if you wanted to hold my hand so bad," he muttered through gritted teeth.

Ashley's eyebrows shot up and her mouth fell open. It was just a split-second reaction, but it was enough. By the time she'd recovered her arm was at a 30 degree angle to the table. There was no hope of recovery, but she fought her hardest on the way down.

A harsh crack echoed through the room a split second before her arm hit the table. The cheering stopped and all eyes fell on Williams' suddenly pale, waxen features. She silently stood and walked to the med bay without even a whimper, leaving the concerned crew in her wake. Joker may have won the arm wrestling match, but Ashley proved to be the biggest badass of them all with that simple reaction. The mess emptied almost instantly, much the same way kids always scattered at the sound of breaking glass. That analogy was so accurate it made Joker's stomach spin with guilt. He couldn't flee, though. He had to face this head-on.

"Don't be mad at me, please," Joker begged as he limped into the med bay.

"And why not? You cost me my last bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy." Dr. Chakwas called out from her desk.

"I wasn't talking to… wait, you bet against me?" Joker paused mid-step and turned to face the doctor.

"I'll leave you to it," Chakwas smiled knowingly and slipped through the door, successfully avoiding that discussion completely. There was no reason for him to know where that bottle ended up.

Once the door closed completely Jeff turned to face the woman nursing the wound he caused. "Did I break it?" he asked hesitantly as he gestured to the thick bandage.

"Sprained," she replied with one terse word. That was never a good sign.

"I'm so sorry. How can I make it up to you?"

"You can tell Shepard how I got hurt…"

Joker paled, but nodded. It was a fair trade no matter how terrifying it was. He'd do whatever it took for her not to be mad. Joker dropped his head while he considered the best way to break the news, sure it wouldn't be taken well no matter how he phrased it. There really wasn't any way to polish "I broke your soldier in a friendly dick-waving match" to make it better.

"Relax, I'm just fucking with ya," Ashley laughed as she lifted his chin with her good hand. "I'm just as guilty as you are here, so I'll tell Skipper. But I think there's something you can do to make up for cheating like that…" Her eyes twinkled mischievously as she grinned down at the pilot. "You can take me out to dinner. It has to be a nice place – your treat."


End file.
